counting down...................

soon it's gonna be a new year!!!

damn it..i am not at singapore counting down this year...T.T

all the bad thing is gonna be at the past, and thx u san for ur msg..it is juz at i need~

haha...

and thx u aparnaa, for asking me to talk to his friend, his friend is really loyal.....he is lucky to have him or them in exact....

thank you dodo, for all ur experts comments?haha....i mean ur advice lah...^^

and thank you earth for being so kind to allow such a beautiful gal to exist lah...WAHAHAHAHA~

haha..im juz kidding....

can't wait to see the countdwn show on the tv in singaporeeeee~~~~~~~~

hope next year i'll be at oversea to celebrate both x'mas and countdown party!

tis year here is turning 18~!!!!

legal age to enter pure bar and such...kakaka...

vodka here i comeeeeeee.....

i hope i wnt faint or be drunk after drinknig it u kw....haha.....

aparnaa, gamabte for ur exam neh~!

aisheteru~!!!!!!!!



*may god bless us to have a great 2008 and leave the bygone bygone*

arigatou aparnaa!

about aparnaa, thanks to her and things always go right when i called her, her voice always give's my alot alot alot of confidence....

i should have severe all ties with that V* ...

and today at tebrau's Harri's aka Popular, i came by a buddism book in modern way, i mean like it explains stories and of the sutra's...

it sure did gives me extra strength....

but i ain't god..i can't do things perfectly....

i can't accept people trying to hurt my family and he is just a bastard....~!!!!!

bakaiyaro.....bitchino mongchonyi shiba~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and i am going to talk to him later on if he call, and i am going to make him call me, coz i am not going to waste any more money.....clever right.....haha....

i know i am bad but my heart is really shattered.....very very shattered....haiz......is all destiny....

but i am ok now..^^

happy 2008!

today went to tebrau jusco, the biggest shopping centre in jb....well...latest too....

and i had a hair-cut done, unintentionally, coz it kinda same as city square and so i just tried..is quite good too, by my first experience...

and after my haircut, one to cut my hair, one to wash my hair, another one to rinse my hair...

the people there is really nice, had a nice chat with all of them and it lift my spirit up by alot as before i went i called aparnaa and yesterday night i msn with dodo, and all sure help me up....

thank you all first...

and about my haircut, the one who rinse my hair, wet my shirt by a little by accident and when i am back to my seat, he dried my shirt first and the other hairstylist beside me is teasing him that, "wow, wash hair until wash the shirt?"

haha..they're really funny......

and before i left, he is the first to greet my happy new year!

oh well the hair-stylist that teases him also greet me afterwards..:P

i might go back there, and for ur info, aparnaa, and dodo, i only go to the good saloon, such as in the shopping centre's, and in JB....

damn..i didn't go any good shopping lah....arghhhhh......

i only brought one dress in singapore, it is in pink and black and i choose the pink one...hehe..

i like both the colour lah...if i had the money, and my parents allow, i would buy BOTH!!!! T.T

and soon its gonna be 2008!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D

wish my aunt will be in pan pacific...but i guess most probably i won't go to singapore for countdown this year.....T.T

but is ok..my mood is gonna be there and singapore have live-show on the tv for the marina bay's firework and the countdown party.....:P

hope u all a good 2008!

may all the bad things be gone and the best to come~!!!!!!

a broken heart

my heart is in pain....still......just did.....maybe one or two days ago..and is getting worse...

i can't forgive myself...i never can....

i hate to be betrayed, to cry, over some wound cause by ur most trusted one....

maybe my sister and V* should be the real one?

he is just a guy that needs sex and sex and sex....

i hate myself for causing the pain in my sister life...

i hate myself for being so weak...

how i wish i have the power to revenge rather than forgive...

how many knows that under the face of forgiveness took how many tears and grabbing of hope and lots of shower of love?

i wish aparnaa is here....how i wish u are here...

i am so alone now..so lonely....

my heart is in pieces....

a call from anyone, a sms, a joke, could make me smile for days....

no one can forget....and forever forget that some events never did take place....

no one will ever want to go through all these....

the pain, the fear, the tears..........

i wish it all ends with me, last time, let this karna ends with me, i am willing to take all these pains and tears, even if that might cause my life, as long is for the one i loved, my bestest friends and families...i am willing and with no doubt...

the other two is happily going....but i can never be....

i might not know their troubles too...

see...the tofu heart of mine is talking now....

if life is about learning through pain, then i have too much pain and too little time to learn...

maybe tonight is a night that i'll cry and sleep...

love poeem...for you...from me......:S

to share something all you need is two open heart,

for mine is opened for yours and longs for yours to open

and meet mine,

i love you,

would you love me too?

life lesson learnt

x'mas just pass....

did went go pan pacific wif my aunt and family but there's no celebration this year...

hope for the new year count down my aunt will be there again and we'll really celebrate with all the champaign, red wine, lays, orange juices, gift, etc etc...

and of coz, FIRE-WORKS!!!!

since maybe one or two or a few years ago, singapore altered the law of no firework, singapore every year held firework-show's and if we're in pan pacific, there's an indoor firework......yes...indoor is wat i mean....

and if we can go to the VIP floor, we get the best view ofthe fireworks paid by the marina square and other shopping centre's and maybe the government only, not so sure anyway..:P

well....hope tis year all goes well!!!

--------

today, we, me and my mum and siblings and my cousins went to jurong east interchange MRT station to buysome books at the popular there, i am too boring as my youngest cousin sister is seeing me as an enemy...haha..i annoyed her too much that's why...

then as i am reading my chicken soup for the teenage soul 3, there's these few articles i read and which inspire me in anyway possible...

it doesn't really matter those who hurt you, and i mean my biggest wound V*, it doesn't matter anymore, what matters is i learn a valuable lesson and sometimes, no word need to be spoken to make one remorse, or, how should i say it, revenge does not need words or actions but like tears or a eye-sight can turn one's thought at an instant....

i decided, to forgive and forgive, sometimes the love is still there, for a friend or a sister-like-friend or anyone, but the wound will be there and nothing can change it....

i mean, is not that all changes but sometimes one mistake will change ur world, forever...

like my sister...J*

and for V*, i know that is just tormenting for me and maybe him that i can't love him as a friend like before, but as i promised all my friends, FRIENDS FOREVER...

i'll bless him with all my heart, forever, but in reality, we can't go for tea like nothing happened, i mean.....i don't know how to say it lah.....haha..

being frank is hard for the one who is saying it and the one receiving it, but being frank relieves us, both, and to complete life by a little furthur....

oh yea, and of coz, aparnaa and i will be the same forever, for she show me forgiveness beyong the world and her heart holds and love beyong love could say....:)

another nite-mare~

today.....

another nightmare....

hmm.....and when i wake up and on my hp, i see his miss called...

well well....is annoying that someone u don't like but you can't say goodbye...

argh.......

well....tis nightmare is worser than last time's....

i dream of my sister telling me, " i am dating wif V*."

and i am crying, smashing thing, asking God things and i don't know whether i frown and grab my blanket in real life or in my dreams....

i am sooo lazy and feel so tired in keep healing and then after i healed someone will hurt me again....repeatedly and over and over again....

i know i have all the power to do it...is just....sometimes LOVE is all it takes....

ok...i woke up around 3 or 3.30pm and i am going to eat my "breakfast" now.....:P

友情?爱情?....我爱你... ^^

世界上最远的距离不是天涯海角;
而是我站在你面前你却不知道我爱你...

天都暗了...
花也睡了...
雨过了...
你呢?
会让我的心为你再扑上色彩吗?
我爱你...你知道吗?
爱...真的无外表就不能拥有那么帅气的你吗?

人间...人与人之间的美与恶我尝了一回又一回...
轮回的苦与乐让我对人类的可怕之心不知让我掉了多少泪...

宝贝...真的好想叫你一声宝贝...
但是...或许...如果...有一天我若真能成为你身边的最爱的女人...我或许会问你: "在我和我的妹妹之间你想选谁?"

我妹她很美...在那些信息中我吃醋了呢...哈哈...
我爱你...但我不会让你去感受到我的以情人之间的爱...
我无发在那么优秀的你的友情或爱情,二选一...我无发想象拥有你在失去你...
友情对我来说是是我的第二生命...
而你...在那么多方面是那么的棒...


琴声无发把我的思念带给你...

在多么多的夜里...我想 "不在乎天长地久, 只在乎成经拥有..."

哈哈...友情还是我的第一呢~

我会后悔吗?

我会吗?

天啊....世界太大了...

梦想....太遥远了...

我爱你....但是...拥有你地友情情真的让我很快乐乐呢~


想念你蜗1还好...想念我想见再爱的最爱-我的外婆....真的好苦...她过的好吗?还记得我吗?

我只能用琴声让我的心好过一点...

爱....真的需要用一辈子去经营的...

fat fat me.....T.T

today.....is "dong zhi", is a chinese festival of celebrating the first breaking of the light of winter to another season.

is happy to be at my grandpa's house to celebrate this festival...

for chinese there are a few major celebration that's meant for family reunion - chinese new year, ching ming(to visit the grave and do some praying,etc), dumpling day and this "dong zhi".

is nothing serious really, is just days that is meant for everyone to gather together for these special days....

my favourite day....ALL~

it means food~!!!! :D:D:D

haha.....

yea, becoz of FOOD, over-loaded with FOOD, now my KG is 49.5!!!

FUCK IT!!!!!

from 46.9+ till now is a serious case!

and in only a few months u kw!!!!

maybe around......two or three month back when i am at alor star......

i weight myself at hat yai, is cheap it thailand u know..only 1cent.....~!!!!

i hate being fat.....i thought is ok to fatten abit coz all my frens says i am too thin......

fuck tat stupid thought lah....i thought of dieting to 45 AGAIN and then when i reach that goal i will diet till 43!!!!

T.T

shit it shit it..T.T

T.T

T.T

T.T

T.T

T.T

T.T




gamate grace!

one week for u to diet neh~

i read in a newspaper, one of the article wrote how a very famous supermodel diet, i forgotten her name, but she doesn't eat anything after 6pm, not even a sip of water....

and....i am gonna try tat!!!!!!!!

argh.......fat fa fat fat fat...tooooo fat fat fat fat..

but that method can only do it in KL coz my mum will scold if i didn't eat anything...

but for certain, i am eating lesser....except when i get to eat McDonald and my Log Cake...:P

today i woke at 9am...

surprised right?

in singapore, when i am staying at my grandpa's house or rather my uncle's, i always or mostly wakes at 11am, can't sleep later coz my grandpa will kick my butt...:P

well, i had a nightmare last night, dreaming of my sister crying coz my stupid so-called ex-bf hurt her...

karma.....life is juz about karma...

i dun kw....

i can't seem to forgive myself...it is becoz of me tats y i indirectly gotten my sister into the trouble of the heart when ME can avoid it...totally....

i just.....well.....at least that's a lesson learnt...i never let my tears fall for nothing without gaining something...tat's called, "LIFE LESSON"...

i certainly ain't a lifeguard by the pool or beach or smting u know...haha......u know wat i mean....

u know, i just learnt that don't trust ur so called ex totally if ur 6th SENSE put the red alarm on....

is not all of ur ex-es is all bad and untrustbale..i mean some u know.....

what's ur definition of love?

it is only means and contains relationsip love? or familys and friends are counted in?

for me, the answer is, "ALL", all living things, my clothes, my books, my dogs, my everything....

for me, after the so-called relationship-love, there's still friendship-loves to take care of, so what if u broke up, how about ur promises for "friends-forever"?

those who know me, understand all and everything and anything by their heart, their heart is a machine that no man can ever hold unless u create whole heartly....

aparnaa, sai and sukrut always have the power to lighten up my day and my life by their instinct, tats the word, instinct....

i do forgive, i don't forget....

i blame no one, not my ex nor my sis.....is good that is happened, at least i know how my sis felt then....but of coz in a kind of different situation then....

and i hate nightmare's.....it kills me in my dream......

is a good thing u dun juz die in ur dreams and never wake up while breathing still.....

ok..tat's a joke.......no one dies and still breaths.....haha....

hmm.....what's life without life?

LOVE comes in a big price to pay and give, alot of forgives and forgets, but LOVE endures all....

the kind of LOVE that sai,aparnaa and sukrut and i hold, is word beyond word can desribe, u kw, more than friends, more than siblingshood, taditatata....:P

haha......dodo is my good friend too, althought he says words from a more hard-to-accept kind of thing but is the way life is all about....if u learn it, its urs....

dodo is a good boy........ur 'elder sis' dote on u ya.....haha......shh.....if he sees this he is gonna cut my head off~

so dodo, dun tell urself u know.....*bluek*


haha....i treat everyone equally, of coz, my best friends......

all of my frens hold a special power, some magic powder, a very intelligent brain, so that all of them keeps me out of danger coz my brain doesn't like to do their working-life good u know....

sleep too much tats why....haha....;)

the three...

there are three kind of things that can't be gotten back once is out:

arrow, words and xxx.....

"Heaven"

Boracay........means Heaven in French.....

An island in Philipine and found by the French....^^

Just an introduction of a taiwanese girl that just release her new book that talks about that place...she takes beautiful picture's too~!

Her name is "Xiao Xian" and i think her book title is "Xiao Xian dao Chang Sha Dao Qu", in English it means that "Xiao Xian is going to the Long Island", and "Xiao Xian" is her name....^^

------

And i wanna do some COS-PLAY~!

is like acting as real-life japanese cartoon or anime's charactier....

u'll dress like the character and just act like her~!

and I LOVE IT~!!!! *wink wink*

ta-di-ta

at my hometown now...

feeling really tired....

even thought i slept from around 11am till 5~6pm!

well, i didn't sleep last night at all....

and at 5am, or maybe around 6 we send our dad to the custom to go to singapore, his car is with one of my relatives so he has to take the bus to work today....poor dad..T.T

then we ate breakfast that my mum likes to eat....i eat until i almost throw up....too full u know...is oni breakfast!!!!

then at home my mum ask me to wake up when i just slept on my beautiful bed for awhile only......coz my grandpa is coming and the gas man...but they're not even here till 1pm!!!

i dun blame my grandpa of coz....tat stupid gas man...haiz...

but is raining......ALL DAY LONG!

and i mean from 7am till now.....

is a rainy day......

althought it stop a bit here and there and fortunately we still manage to go to the nearby shopping to stock up my fridge...

wanted to get ice-creams....but the ice-cream in the giant is too lousy...and gonna get in the shopping centre far far away such as Tebrau Jusco....

as long i get good and nice flavours ice-creams is not much of a problem...:P:P

is only one hour away what........and mostly we go there is night time already..and most of the time we go home straight away.....^^

my three cousinz are all here today at my house in jb....

that monkey baby sista cousin of mine....ignore me like what..haiz...bad gal lah..T.T

and hope tat dodo can settle the college tingi...

COLLEGE....irritating place to be lah......haiz....i rather write TONS of essays than make things.....so SHIT~!!!!

haiz....

---------

and yesterday while watching a tv show, there's my favourite part- ballroom dance...

then one of the award show in singapore show, there's once ex-actress that comes back just to host, she went to Japan to furthur study in International Political Degree....

even the magazine introduce and talk about her and all...

and it makes me think.........

if i can EVER go for my furthur studies....

if i can go Japan, i might decide to take Hotel Management or Dance & Piano...

i really love to dance.....especially ballroom dance....

and the piano, my hands.....are getting so infamiliar with my own piano..

i can't even play my favourite piano piece well......hmm.....well.....i'll gona make sure i'll play it like before, even though is not that good but yea...better than now....


i wish the world is not that big.....so that i can do a walking-distance walking and visit ALL my friends......

and sorry lah dodo......didn't mean to make u angry lah......darn u..make me feel so bad....

sorrry naa.... T.T

i miss you....

I miss you....

Will i Ever Have You?

Will I ever LOVE you till the End As though ur the last GUY on earTH?

I promise I'll love you forever in my HEART...

But promise me, Don't Ever Fall for me....

Ur love is so precious to me....

But the woRLD is so BIG....

The thought of you calling ME bAby Gives me the GRIN on my Face so beautiful..

The thought of you calLIng Me babY, FeELIng JeaLOus, LoVING me makes my hEART GLOW...

In my DREAm i See You, Sitting with my by the beACH sharing A Can of COKE, Ur eye and mine Sees oni the SEA infrONT...

IN my DREAM, i DReam oF You KissINg me On my CHeeK that MakEs me Blush like the RED Red RosE....

Im torn inbetween FrienShip and LOVE...

BUt i still wanna STOOD where i am still AT, UR frenSHIP means the WORLD to me...

I wanna Share YOUR joy ANd TEARS FOREVER....

May I Call YOu Baby?

BUt FOREVER tat will Be in MY DReams...

Tat's ALL i need forever MORE...

For the World is too BIg.....

What WIll I Do If u ever Fall For Me?

Will I accepT U the Same?

I would i MIGht....

Is there FOREVER in Ur world?

For u dun BeLive iN IT....

CAn i owe YOU forEver, My Mr.WonderFul....

MayBe, For I ALways Belive, ForevER lIes in The HEART and the MEMOry....

FOr Friendship is Wat i chooSen from thE PAST and Throughout ForevER...

I can't Imagine, The wOrld of U and ME becomes the mOst FaMiliar STRANGER....

Frenship Makes My Life Fills With Rainbow of 8 COlours...

I love Ya....

Isn't MY Heart And Mind fills WIth UncerTainiTY?

Coz I am The Cat that's too BLUR and have too MUCH love....;)

merry x'mas

well well well...x'mas is coming to town~!!!!

one year passes so quickly...

so much has taken place.....endless waiting, tears, joy, sadness...etc....

first of all....

MERRY CHRISTMAS~!

alot of joy is cmoing on its way~!!!! :D

but unfortunately, my x'mas and countdown party might be cancelled cause some serious family problem has arrived so.......unpredictably...

my college too..one of my lecturer called and emailed me that she need the original copy of the re-submission...

she didn't even tell me when i need to pass up and when my other lecturer asked i said that maybe next year together with my math essay, then i was informed on the last day of skol, im taking the next day two-hour lesson off, that i have to pass up as soon as possible as they're waiting for mine to send to UK...

and my this lecturer said that i didn't pass up the word-cards that i have made a mistakes when i pass up last time, she is always so blur, never take note of what we've done or not, when i have passed up ages ago and was told to re-submit one for each of the word-cards...

watever it is......i wouldn't care until 8th of Jan next year.....

i am suppose to be in singapore today, i was yesterday already but was back to mlk last night, to do some serious thing..haiz....so much trouble.......argh....

and i was having my late period..i thought that i would miss it for once...but well.....it was good i am home for another week, then i will go to singapore to company my grandpa and then a few other days at my lil cousin sista house...

she's at the socialising age now, she didn't want to talk to me yesterday at my grandpa's house coz she said i promise to go to her house but didn't due to some circumstances for temporary....

well...she has superb memory though....i though her short-term-memory is forever...haha...:P

she can meet you for today and you visit again tomorro, you have to say hello and all all over again......

she's growing so fast~!!!!

she's turning four next year valentine...yes....14th of february.....and, but she have to go to school around the same time as i i guess....:D

i luv her...

and in fb, sai wrote on his caption-tingi thing...that..he is going to PERFORM~!!!!!

my god...haha...i wrote on his "wall" that he better tell me the time and date of his performance and no matter i am at singapore ot jb, i'll be back to see his show~!!!

haha...i remembered that we need to beg and cry and no matter what we do will persuade he and sukrut to perform, until the head of the school forces them and all the GUYS to perform....

well well, let's see what he is gonna do now...haha.....:P

aparnaa, remebember their..half-naked.....dance with us all the pretty gal? *wink wink*

haha....:P

and wish a very very merry x'mas to you all....dodo my bestest fren, aparnaa my heartest(my heart's) fren, and the other two...

dun worry, no matter what, there are frens that will always belong to me and only me, be it once in a relationship or whatever, there are pals that belongs to my heart from the moment they're mine and will be forever....

there are friends that will betray me and i have to forget....like in my fb, part of the one quote's says this : "...there are some reason why some frens didn't make it into ur future..."

so..i luv you aparnaa......^^

and merry x'mas to u...my luv.....*shy shy* :P